Becoming Who You Were Meant to Be

Finding Yourself Beyond Alcohol – Your Life After Quitting Drinking

Here’s something I didn’t fully appreciate when I decided to quit drinking.

I wasn’t just giving up alcohol. I was about to find out who I was without it.

And after spending so much of my life as a drinker, that turned out to be a pretty big question. I had no idea how wonderful my life after quitting drinking could become.  Or how much I would change along the way.

For years, I was part of Mitch and Skye. Or I was my sons’ mom.

I was somebody’s wife. Somebody’s mother. Somebody who made sure everyone else was taken care of.

But somewhere along the way, I had stopped paying much attention to myself.

Oh, I had one thing I did for me.

I drank.

Not exactly the kind of self-care I would recommend.

When Everyone Else Comes First

I suspect a lot of women will recognize this.

You spend years taking care of your family, managing a household, working, solving problems, and making sure everyone has what they need.

And you keep telling yourself you’ll get around to doing something for yourself eventually.

When the kids are older. When things settle down. When there’s more money. When you have more time.

There’s always a reason to put yourself last.

That was certainly true for me.

My identity was wrapped up in the people around me. I knew what everyone else needed, but I wasn’t spending much time thinking about what I wanted.

And drinking made it easier to avoid the question.

Alcohol was my escape, my reward, and my way of getting through another day without changing very much about it.

I didn’t realize how much of my own life I was missing.

Who Are You Without Alcohol?

When drinking has been part of your life for years, it becomes woven into your routines, your relationships, your interests, and even the way you see yourself.

You might be the person who’s always up for a party. The one who suggests meeting for drinks. The one who needs a glass of wine to relax after work.

After a while, those habits can start to feel like personality traits.

But are they really?

Or have you simply become so accustomed to living a certain way that you’ve forgotten there are other possibilities?

Quitting drinking gives you a chance to ask a question you may not have considered in a very long time:

What do I actually want my life to look like?

Not what your spouse wants. Not what your friends expect. Not what you’ve always done.

What do you want?

You may be surprised by the answer.

Use the Find Your Why interactive tool to help figure it out.

Sometimes Finding Yourself Means Changing Your Life

I don’t think I would have left my marriage if I had continued drinking.

That’s a difficult thing to acknowledge, but I believe it’s true.

I probably would have continued living much the same way, numbing myself instead of making changes.

And I suspect my life would have become even sadder as my sons grew up and moved on with their own lives.

They no longer needed me in the same way. That’s what children are supposed to do, of course.

But if being their mom and being someone’s wife were the only ways I knew how to define myself, what was left?

Quitting drinking didn’t make those questions disappear.

It made it possible for me to face them.

I began to recognize that I was allowed to want more for myself. I could make decisions about my own future. I didn’t have to keep living a life simply because it was the one I’d always known.

And little by little, I started making changes.

Not everyone needs to leave a marriage, change careers, or turn their life upside down after quitting drinking.

But you may discover that some parts of your old life no longer fit the person you’re becoming.

And you’re allowed to do something about that.

Look What Happens When You Start Taking Care of Yourself

I can hardly believe how fabulous my life is now.

And I’m not saying that because everything is perfect.

I’m saying it because I finally started taking care of me.

For years, we lived paycheck to paycheck. After I quit drinking, I got a job that allowed me to earn three times as much as I had before.

Three times!

I started taking better care of my health, too.

I’ve lost 240 pounds.

Okay, 200 of those pounds were my ex-husband.

But I really have lost 40 pounds so far!

And here’s something else I love. Even though I’m years older now, I think my face looks better than it ever did when I was drinking.

More importantly, I feel better about myself.

I’m healthier. I’m more confident. I’m doing work that allows me to support myself. I’m making decisions based on what I want my life to be.

I don’t attribute every wonderful thing that’s happened to the simple act of not drinking alcohol.

Quitting drinking gave me the opportunity to change my life. Then I had to go out and change it.

And I’m so glad I did.

Rediscovering the Things That Make You Happy

One of the unexpected pleasures of my alcohol-free life has been discovering interests that belong entirely to me.

Painting is one of them.

I started making room for new experiences, exploring things that interested me, and discovering what I enjoyed when alcohol wasn’t occupying so much of my time and attention.

And that matters because quitting drinking wasn’t simply a matter of taking something away.

I added things.

Creativity. Independence. New experiences. Opportunities I might never have pursued before.

The more I explored, the more I felt like myself.

Maybe painting isn’t your thing. Maybe the very idea of picking up a paintbrush makes you want to run in the opposite direction.

Fine! There are plenty of other things to try. Check out this article to help Find Something to Look Forward To

Take a class. Learn a language. Start a garden. Volunteer. Travel somewhere new. Join a group. Build something. Make something.

Or simply spend an afternoon doing whatever you please without alcohol deciding how the day will unfold.

You don’t have to discover your life’s great passion by next Tuesday.

Just start exploring.

Check out these Mind-Changer resources.

You Don’t Have to Become a Completely Different Person

Sometimes people talk about quitting drinking as though you need to reinvent yourself from the ground up.

I don’t see it that way.

I think it’s more about getting back in touch with the person who was there all along.

The curious person. The creative person. The person who had dreams and opinions and interests that didn’t involve alcohol.

You haven’t lost everything that makes you who you are.

But you may have neglected some parts of yourself.

And you may have developed habits, relationships, or beliefs that no longer fit the life you want.

That’s okay. You’re allowed to change.

In fact, one of the most freeing things about quitting drinking is realizing that you don’t have to keep being the person you’ve always been.

Finding My Confidence and Self-Esteem

One of the greatest things quitting drinking has given me is my confidence and self-esteem.

I sometimes say I got them back, but the truth is, I’d been drinking for so long that I’m not sure I ever had much of either to begin with.

Now I have them in spades!

And I’m not talking about suddenly believing I’m the most wonderful person in the world. I’m talking about something much more important.

I believe in myself.

I trust my judgment. I know I can make difficult decisions. I believe I deserve to be healthy, happy, independent, and fulfilled.

For years, I put everyone else’s needs ahead of my own. Now I understand that taking care of myself isn’t selfish. My life matters, too.

That change in how I see myself has influenced almost everything I’ve done since I quit drinking.

It helped me make decisions I’d been afraid to make. It gave me the courage to try new things, pursue better opportunities, and build a life that makes me happy.

And it’s given me something else I never expected: the confidence to be vulnerable.

I can talk openly about my drinking, my marriage, and the parts of my past that aren’t particularly pretty. That isn’t always easy, but I no longer feel that I have to pretend everything was wonderful when it wasn’t.

I’m proud of the person I’ve become, and I don’t have to hide the experiences that helped me get here.

Quitting drinking didn’t just change what I do. It changed what I believe about myself.

Help build you self confidence by using this free interactive Create Your Own Affirmations tool.

Your Past Doesn’t Get to Decide Your Future

You may have regrets about your drinking years.

Things you said. Things you did. Opportunities you missed. Relationships that suffered.

I certainly understand the temptation to look backward and wish things had been different.

But we can’t go back and rewrite those years.

What we can do is decide what happens next.

Your past is part of your story, but it doesn’t have to determine the rest of it.

You can learn from your experiences without allowing them to define you forever.

You can make different choices.

You can build new relationships, develop new interests, and discover new ways of living.

And you can become someone you’re genuinely happy to be.

You Get to Decide Who You Are

One of the core ideas in the Quit Drinking Plan is changing how you identify yourself.

Instead of spending your life thinking, “I’m trying not to drink,” you can begin to see yourself as someone who simply doesn’t drink.

I do not drink.

It’s a straightforward statement, but it represents a significant change.

You’re no longer organizing your life around resisting alcohol. You’re building a life in which alcohol doesn’t have a place.

And that identity can extend far beyond drinking.

You’re a painter. A gardener. A traveler. A friend. A parent. A reader. An adventurer.

Or perhaps you’re something you haven’t discovered yet.

The possibilities are yours to explore.

Final Thoughts

When I think about what quitting drinking has given me, I don’t think only about the absence of alcohol.

I think about the life I have now.

The independence. The confidence. The opportunities. The freedom to explore my own interests and make decisions about my future.

I spent so many years taking care of everyone else that I almost forgot I was supposed to have a life of my own.

Now I do.

And I absolutely love it.

That’s what I want for you, too.

Not my life, of course. Yours.

Whatever that looks like. Whatever dreams you’ve set aside. Whatever parts of yourself you’ve been waiting to rediscover.

You don’t have to know exactly who you’re going to become.

You just have to give yourself the opportunity to find out.