Finding the Motivation to Quit Drinking

Discovering Your Real “Why”

I wanted to quit drinking for thirteen years before I finally did.

Thirteen years.

That’s a long time to want something so badly and still struggle to make it happen.

I had plenty of reasons to quit. My health was suffering. I was embarrassed by my drinking. I knew alcohol was doing me no favors.

And yet, I kept drinking.

I’ve spent a lot of time wondering why I was finally able to quit in 2021 when I’d been trying since 2008.

What was different? Had I finally had enough? Did all those years of trying somehow add up to something? Had I reached a point where I understood that alcohol wasn’t helping me anymore?

I still don’t have a definite answer.

But I do know something about motivation that I didn’t understand back then.

Your reasons for quitting drinking can change. And sometimes the reasons that help you begin aren’t the same ones that inspire you to keep going.

The Moment I Started Wanting Something Different

I can trace my first serious desire to quit drinking back to a New Year’s party in 2008.

I was on the dance floor, and things weren’t going particularly well.

I was overweight, terribly out of shape, and drunk.

I don’t remember whether I stumbled or actually fell. What I do remember is the way people looked at me.

There was something in their expressions that stayed with me.

At the time, I interpreted those looks as embarrassment for me. Maybe pity. Maybe contempt.

Whatever they were thinking, I suddenly became painfully aware of how I must have appeared.

And I didn’t like it.

I wish I could tell you that I went home that night and began imagining a wonderful new life without alcohol.

I didn’t.

I wasn’t thinking about discovering new interests, becoming healthier, finding confidence, or building a better future.

I didn’t even realize how unhappy I was with certain parts of my life.

That understanding came much later.

Back then, my motivation was considerably simpler.

I was embarrassed.

My pride was hurt.

And I didn’t want people looking at me that way anymore.

It wasn’t an especially inspiring reason to quit drinking.

But it was real.

And it mattered to me.

Your First Reason Doesn’t Have to Be Noble

We sometimes talk about finding your reason for quitting as though it needs to be something profound.

You want to be a better parent. You want to protect your health. You want to be there for your family.

Those are wonderful reasons.

But what if your reason is that you’re tired of embarrassing yourself?

What if you’re sick of waking up feeling awful?

What if you’re tired of wondering what you said last night?

Or maybe you’re simply fed up with how much money you’re spending on alcohol.

Those reasons count, too.

You don’t need a beautiful, inspirational explanation for wanting to quit drinking.

You need a reason that matters to you.

And you don’t have to explain or defend it to anyone else.

My first reason was pride.

Not the wonderful, healthy pride I feel today.

It was the uncomfortable kind. The kind that comes from realizing you don’t like what you’re seeing in yourself—or what you imagine other people are seeing.

But it was a beginning.

Wanting to Quit and Being Ready to Change Aren’t Always the Same Thing

Here’s where my story gets complicated.

After that New Year’s party, I wanted to quit drinking.

And I kept wanting to quit.

For years.

I made attempts. I had good intentions. I told myself things would be different.

But they weren’t, at least not for very long.

I used to think I simply didn’t have enough willpower.

Looking back, I can see that I also hadn’t made many of the changes that would have helped me stop relying on willpower alone.

My routines still revolved around drinking. Alcohol was still connected to the way I relaxed, socialized, celebrated, and handled difficult emotions.

I wanted to stop drinking, but I was still living a life in which drinking seemed to belong everywhere.

That’s a difficult combination.

And it’s one reason I believe motivation is important, but motivation alone isn’t always enough.

You can desperately want to change something and still need a plan, support, new routines, and a different way of responding to the thoughts that keep pulling you back toward old habits.

Sometimes you also need medical support to stop drinking safely.

None of that means your reasons aren’t strong enough.

It means you’re trying to change something that has become deeply established in your life.

And that takes more than a good intention.

When My Health Became Part of the Picture

Over time, my reasons for quitting began to change.

Embarrassment was still there.

But by 2021, I was increasingly concerned about my health.

I’d been diagnosed with fatty liver.

That should have been enough to make me stop immediately, shouldn’t it?

You’d certainly think so.

But I continued drinking for a while afterward.

That’s one of the things that can be so frustrating about alcohol. You can know perfectly well that it’s harming you and still find yourself reaching for another drink.

I don’t believe the diagnosis was meaningless just because I didn’t quit that day.

I think it became another piece of the picture.

Another reason.

Another reminder that I couldn’t keep doing what I was doing.

Perhaps all those reasons were accumulating over time.

I can’t prove that.

But I do believe my concern about my health played a part in what eventually happened.

The Day Everything Changed

Then came a Sunday morning in 2021.

My dog, Mik, was everything to me.

He’d been having seizures for a couple of years and was taking medication to control them.

That morning, at four o’clock, he had another seizure.

But this one didn’t stop.

For three terrible hours, we tried to find help.

At around seven o’clock, we finally reached someone at an emergency veterinary clinic and loaded Mik into the car.

I was devastated.

And as awful as that morning was, I had another problem.

I’d promised a friend that I would work at her booth at a craft festival that day.

All I wanted to do was stay with Mik.

But I’d made a commitment.

My husband was actually wonderful that day. He took responsibility for getting Mik to the veterinarian so I could go to the festival.

It was there that Mik was put to sleep.

I went to work knowing what was happening, and I was heartbroken.

Now, here’s the part of the story that I still can’t completely explain.

Normally, working at a festival meant drinking beer.

There was beer available just a few booths away.

And normally, when I was hurting, alcohol was one of the first things I turned to.

So I had two familiar reasons to drink that day.

Festival = Beer.

Grief = Alcohol.

But I didn’t want any.

Not even a little.

My friend knew what had happened, and around two o’clock she came to relieve me.

She bought me a beer.

I drank it.

But I didn’t want another.

That was so unlike me that I still find it difficult to describe.

It was as though something had simply switched off.

I didn’t need alcohol to get through the afternoon. I didn’t want to drown my grief in it. And I certainly didn’t feel like celebrating anything.

I just didn’t want to drink.

Sometimes I think Mik took my desire for alcohol with him when he died.

I know that isn’t a scientific explanation.

It’s simply how that day felt to me.

After thirteen years of trying to quit drinking, something had changed.

And this time, I stopped.

I Wish I Could Tell You Exactly Why It Worked

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if I could point to one thing and say, There. That’s the secret.

But I can’t.

I don’t know whether losing Mik was the final emotional turning point.

I don’t know whether the fatty liver diagnosis had finally sunk in.

Maybe all those years of trying had prepared me for a moment when I was finally ready.

Or maybe I’d simply reached the point where I no longer believed alcohol had anything worthwhile to offer me.

Perhaps it was some combination of all those things.

I honestly don’t know.

And I think that’s worth talking about, because we’re often told that finding the right motivation is the key to changing our lives.

But I had strong motivation for years.

I wanted to quit.

I had reasons to quit.

I knew I needed to quit.

And I still struggled.

So if you’re reading this and wondering why your reasons haven’t been enough yet, please don’t assume that means you don’t want an alcohol-free life badly enough.

Your reasons matter.

But so do your habits, your environment, your support system, your health, and the practical steps you take to make change possible.

You don’t have to wait for a dramatic moment like mine.

And you certainly don’t need to experience a terrible loss.

You can begin making those changes now, even if you’re still trying to understand your motivation.

My Life Didn’t Change Overnight

There’s another important part of this story.

When I quit drinking in 2021, I didn’t immediately turn my entire life upside down.

I didn’t suddenly leave my marriage, launch a new career, discover painting, and become a completely different person.

For an entire year, I stayed alcohol-free before making some of the biggest changes in my life.

That first year mattered.

I was learning how to live without alcohol.

I was discovering that I could get through difficult days without drinking.

And little by little, I was beginning to see possibilities I hadn’t seen before.

Eventually, I made much bigger changes.

I left my husband.

I started a new chapter in my working life and found myself earning three times what I had earned before.

I lost weight, became healthier, discovered how much I enjoyed painting, and began building confidence in myself.

But those weren’t the reasons I quit in 2008.

I couldn’t have imagined them back then.

And even in 2021, I didn’t have a grand vision of everything my life might become.

Those possibilities emerged after I stopped drinking.

That’s one of the most exciting things I’ve learned.

You don’t have to know exactly what your alcohol-free life will look like before you begin.

Sometimes you have to create a little room in your life before you can see what’s possible.

Your Motivation Can Grow With You

When I first wanted to quit drinking, my motivation came largely from embarrassment.

Later, concern about my health became much more important.

And after I finally quit, something else began to matter.

My son was proud of me.

Really proud.

That meant more to me than I can adequately explain.

For years, I’d been painfully aware of the possibility that people were looking at me with pity or judgment.

Now someone I loved was looking at me with pride.

What a difference.

His encouragement mattered.

But as time went on, I began developing something even more important.

I became proud of myself.

Not because I’d become perfect.

I haven’t.

But because I could see what I’d accomplished.

I had done something I’d wanted to do for thirteen years.

And then I’d gone on to make changes I once couldn’t have imagined.

I had taken control of my life.

I had discovered strengths and interests I didn’t know I had.

I had become someone I genuinely liked.

And that changed my motivation again.

Today, My Reason Is the Life I’ve Built

If you ask me today why I don’t drink, my answer is very different from what it would have been in 2008.

I’m no longer trying to avoid embarrassment at a party.

I’m not spending my days worrying about what other people think of me.

And I’m not constantly fighting the urge to drink.

I don’t drink because I love my life the way it is.

I love what I’ve accomplished.

I love my confidence, my independence, and the person I’ve become.

I’m proud of myself.

And I have absolutely no desire to give that up.

It’s funny, really.

Pride was one of the first things that made me want to quit drinking.

And pride is still one of the biggest reasons I stay alcohol-free.

But now it comes from an entirely different place.

In 2008, I wanted to stop feeling ashamed of myself.

Today, I want to keep feeling proud of myself.

That’s a pretty wonderful change.

So How Do You Find Your Own Reason?

You don’t need to borrow mine.

Your reasons might be completely different.

Maybe you’re concerned about your health.

Maybe you’re tired of feeling tired.

Maybe your relationships are suffering, or you’re worried about your finances.

Maybe you simply have a nagging feeling that life could be better than it is right now.

Pay attention to that feeling.

Ask yourself what alcohol is costing you.

Not just in money, although that certainly counts.

Think about your time, your energy, your confidence, your relationships, your peace of mind, and the opportunities you might be missing.

Then consider what you would like to gain.

More energy?

Better health?

A stronger relationship with someone you love?

The freedom to wake up each morning knowing exactly what you did the night before?

Or perhaps something you can’t quite put into words yet.

That’s okay, too.

You don’t need a complete picture of your future.

You just need somewhere to begin.

And if you have several reasons, that’s even better.

Write them down. Revisit them. Add new ones as they occur to you.

Your reasons may change as your life changes.

Mine certainly did.

If you’re having trouble identifying what matters most to you, try our Find Your Why interactive tool. It helps you look beyond your first answer and explore the deeper, more personal reasons behind your decision to quit drinking.

You might discover that your real motivation is something you haven’t even considered yet.

When Motivation Fades

There’s one more thing I want you to remember.

Motivation isn’t constant.

Some days you’ll feel determined and excited about the future.

Other days you’ll be tired, frustrated, or tempted to fall back into familiar routines.

That’s normal.

It’s also why I don’t believe you should build your entire plan around staying motivated.

Your reasons give you direction.

Your plan helps you keep moving when enthusiasm isn’t enough.

That might mean changing your daily routines, preparing for situations that trigger the urge to drink, asking for support, or learning to challenge your Drinking Voice.

It might mean keeping your reasons somewhere you’ll see them regularly.

And if you’re having one of those moments when your determination seems to have disappeared, visit Motivation Reset. It’s a quick, interactive tool designed to help you reconnect with your reasons for quitting before you make a decision you might regret.

Sometimes you don’t need a whole new plan. You just need a reminder of why you made this decision in the first place.

And it might mean reminding yourself that a difficult day doesn’t erase the progress you’ve already made.

The goal isn’t to feel inspired every minute.

It’s to build a life that supports the decision you’ve made.

If you’d like more encouragement along the way, explore our Motivational Resources page. You’ll find practical tools, reminders, and ideas to help you reconnect with your motivation and recognize how far you’ve already come.

Because finding your reason is important. But remembering it—and discovering new reasons as your life changes—is just as valuable.

Final Thoughts

For thirteen years, I wanted to quit drinking.

I had reasons. Plenty of them.

But I didn’t fully understand what it would take to make that change.

Then came one of the saddest days of my life, and something shifted.

I lost Mik.

And somehow, I also lost my desire to drink.

I can’t explain exactly why.

What I can tell you is that quitting drinking opened the door to a life I never imagined having.

My reasons for starting were rooted in embarrassment, fear, and concern about my health.

My reasons for continuing are rooted in confidence, happiness, freedom, and pride.

I love who I’ve become.

And I want to keep becoming that person.

So if you’re still searching for your reason to quit drinking, don’t worry about finding the perfect one.

Start with what’s true for you today.

Your reason doesn’t have to sound impressive.

It doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else.

And it doesn’t have to remain the same forever.

Sometimes the reason you begin is simply the first step toward discovering all the reasons you’ll be glad you did.